The quest for happiness is and has always been a fundamental human aspiration. It is not found in mind altering substances or by having unlimited purchasing power. We all want to be happy in life however, no amount of money, status or shiny new things guarantee this. Once we have our basic physiological needs met https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html, our sense of happiness is linked to having positive relationships, contributing to others, mental toughness and gratitude. None of these are dependent on social status.
Positive Relationships
We are social beings with a need to belong and contribute. The partnerships we form with family, friends, partners and pets are crucial to our well-being. These relationships allow us to get and give support during life’s trials. We are ‘prosocial’ beings and wired to feel less anxious when we collaborate with others. It’s related to our evolutionary drive for survival. We are happier when we feel needed and less anxious when we have a support system.
The Power of a Gratitude Mindset
In a world focused on status, we get stuck chasing things. These things give us a temporary ‘hit’ of feeling happy. Sadly, the rush of joy from new followers, likes and cool stuff doesn’t last. New relationship excitement fades too, which is why divorce rates hover around 50%. When we pursue things we don’t have; we create a ‘lack’ mindset. This way of thinking keeps us unsatisfied. Once the reward of an achievement wears off, we start chasing the next. The practice of gratitude is slower burning and leads to contentment. Developing a mindset of gratitude requires us to reflect on good things we already have. When we begin to practice gratitude, we start to see life and others in a more positive way.
Acts of Kindness
The profound impact of performing acts of kindness reverberates through both the giver and the receiver. Small gestures of compassion, generosity, and empathy not only brighten someone else’s day but also evoke a sense of joy within us. Acts of kindness reaffirm our connection to humanity and remind us of the power we hold to make the world a better place. Volunteering your skills and time for an organization you care about can be very fulfilling however, simply giving random compliments, saying thank-you or holding a door works too. The goal is to make kindness a regular practice.
Embrace Struggle By Developing Resilience
I say three things in life are guaranteed. Death, taxes and struggle. Life is a tapestry woven with threads of triumph and setbacks. When everything is going well in life, somehow we still find ways to struggle. It’s in our nature, to constantly scan for the bad stuff. Our stored memories overwhelmingly contain the bad things that happened to us. It’s a hardwired survival mechanism that kept us alive when we lived in caves. Just watch the news, the bad stuff draws us in. This creates profit from views and skews our world view. Understanding that we automatically lean in to negative thinking, gives us power over it. Choosing a mindset of resilience is up to us. Rewiring our thinking goes as follows: avoid negative media, don’t focus on negative things, don’t create struggle when things are good, learn to let go of the things we can’t control. After all, the only thing we have control of is ourself and our mindset. When we focus on building resilience instead of reinforcing our fears, we develop the ability to handle big setbacks like divorce and illness in a more constructive way.
My Personal Path to Happiness: Nature and Pursuing New Skills
For me, getting outside and working towards mastering new skills has been life changing. When you get outside and try new things, hard things…failure is inevitable. I learned about my issue with perfection after having a ‘yard sale’ (lost my skis and both poles) under the Kachina lift at Taos. I was afraid to fail and have others see me doing it. I put myself in the advanced group for my first women’s mountain bike clinic. Yup, fell really hard and was covered in blood and bruises as a reward for my lack of humility.
The mountains have given me many lessons on failure and getting back up again. I have also developed a deep gratitude for the natural and uncrowded beauty of New Mexico. When I’m struggling, I go hiking and find beautiful things to take pictures of. I talk to new people on the chairlift, on the trail and listen to their stories. Getting involved in skiing, hiking and mountain biking has introduced me to a new tribe of friends who love being outdoors as much as I do.
As you embark on your own pursuit of happiness, remember that it’s not a destination but a continuous voyage. Experience moments of joy, followed by failure. By adventuring you will get to know and accept who you are. Always remember, a diamond lies under the lump of coal, it just needs refining to discover it.
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” -Dalai Lama
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